On Speaking Your Mind Without Nagging (Him to Death) Pt. 3

So far, we’ve learned the difference between talking to our men and our girlfriends, and how to handle difficult discussions/arguments. Now you’re ready for the kicker, the finale. This one is life changing.

  •   Know when to shut the hell up!

I cannot tell you how important this is. Ladies, we don’t have to keep a tally of all the things he does wrong. It’s like we have a mental notepad full of every grievance from “left the toilet seat up” to “didn’t tell me I look pretty in my new dress.” Yes, these things are annoying, but guess what? So are you.

Every time I’m ready to complain about something (especially something dumb, and in hindsight most things are dumb), I think to myself, “He can probably say the same thing about you.” I am sooo not perfect, and I’m certain no one knows that better than my dear husband. Marriage brings out your best and your worst qualities, so who am I to harp on his “need work” areas when I’m in the exact same boat? I’m always working to improve and become more aware of my flaws, but I need help,  encouragement. I need someone to  sternly, but lovingly, call me out when necessary and hold me to a higher standard than I could ever hold myself. Thankfully, he does that, but I have to the same. It would be criminal to do otherwise.

And here’s the cool thing about shutting the hell up: it’s so much easier to just be happy and peaceful. You only get 24 hours in a day, and most couples spend a majority of that in their own separate worlds. If you’re lucky, you get a hour or so of quality time, and you gon’ spend that talking about the socks he left in the floor? Girl, you better pick those socks up and go cuddle with your man!

Don’t  misunderstand. I’m not saying be a maid or a push-over (and if he’s treating you like one, you need to go back and read part 2 again to figure out how to address that), but I am saying loosen up and spend more time focusing on what’s right instead of meticulously searching for what’s wrong.

Another benefit of being quiet is that you get more time to examine the issue. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve misinterpreted things my husband said or did. There I was,  stewing in my own rage, when the truth was the complete opposite of what I’d perceived. Hindsight really is 20/20, and I see the truth of that statement daily.

We all know being a woman is a lot of work, but so is being a man. They have a lot of responsibility and pressure on their shoulders. For many of them, they’re constantly bombarded with people making requests and pointing out their mistakes. They don’t need to come home to more of the same.  Home should be a retreat, a place to recharge, so it’s my job as a wife and partner to temper the effects of the world he’s retreating from. In countless ways, he makes my life easier and better. Giving him some peace and quiet is my way of doing the same thing.

~Nadirah Angail

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