On Staying: 5 Questions to Consider That May Convince You To Stay Together

winnondSometimes, it just feels broken. Not “the screw came out and I need to put it back in” broken, but “someone stood on the roof and dropped it off” broken. That’s what your marriage can feel like when it’s gone too far down the road of dis-ease. For some, the “D” word pops into mind. That is an option–the best one at times– but not always.

Whatever you end up deciding to do, be sure the decision is well thought out. Otherwise, you may find that the good decision you thought you made was actually a horrible mistake.

Consider the following before deciding to sign those papers:

  1. What are you really displeased with, the marriage or yourself? Sometimes people assume their personal dissatisfaction is the result of their marriage when it is actually a result of internal conflict. Are you happy with yourself? Do you like the person you’ve become? Are you using the marriage as a distraction from and scapegoat for your personal issues you haven’t dealt with?
  2. What have you done differently to improve your situation? It is so easy to complain about what the other is doing, but did you ever consider that they might change their behavior if you change yours? Imagine how drastically things could improve if BOTH partners took this approach. (Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss this article together.)
  3. Is your spouse “a lost cause”? Some people have  proven track records for being set in their dysfunctional ways, but if this isn’t the case, it could be worth it to have faith. Think about it. Even though you’re spent and feel like taking a midnight train going annnyyyywwhhhheerrree (shout out to Journey!), the fact that you took the time to read this suggests that there’s still some love there. There’s still some hope there. Your spouse may feel the same way.
  4. Is your spouse the devil? Okay, maybe I should have said “a devil.” I’m pretty sure you didn’t marry the devil, but what I was getting at is whether or not your spouse is a good person with a good heart. Despite all the things that make your blood boil, does he/she try to make you happy? Does he/she have good intentions? If you’ve got a good person, chances are they don’t mean to make you feel like you do. It’s hard to find a good, honest, kind mate. If you’ve got one, don’t be so quick to give them up.
  5. Is it impossible to have the type of life you want while staying together? Picture your ideal life, the way you would have it if you were in complete control. Could you see you and your spouse living that life together? Is it possible? (Here’s an example: If you desperately want kids and the other is completely against it.)

The answers to these questions should give you an idea of whether or not you two can happily stay together.

~Nadirah Angail

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2 thoughts on “On Staying: 5 Questions to Consider That May Convince You To Stay Together

  1. Naaisha June 1, 2011 / 11:34 pm

    I love this post Nadirah! This rocks, I’m gonna need for everybody and their uncle to read this, soon. Too many divorces going on and no one is looking at saving it before it gets poisoned. Great work as always!

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