A Letter to Men: Holding Men Accountable for their Behavior

Image credit: Corbis/Moonboard

I usually write for and about women. I’m trying a different approach this time; I’m talking directly to the fellas.  I’d like to make a request of you, if I can. It’s pretty simple: Can you step it up, please?

You’re lucky. You guys have gone pretty much unexamined until now. Most relationship writers (myself included) have spent countless hours and words on coaching women on how to be, what to accept and what to do. We need some balance up in here. It’s time you got some coaching.

Men are often maligned as dogs that will treat women horribly if you let them. I don’t accept that. I know the strong protective nature that is in you all. I know how much you love your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunt, nieces  and female friends.  Deep down, you want you be better, but because most women have lowered their expectations of you, you’ve been convinced that it’s okay. Well, guess what. It’s not.

I’ve always told women to carry themselves with respect (and I still stand by that statement) but even if they don’t, you still have a responsibility to  treat them a certain way.  That particular woman may not know her own value, but because you know yours, you shouldn’t allow yourself to be disrespectful.

I’ve always told women to stop having sex so quickly with men (and I still stand by that statement) but even if they don’t, you need to stop being so quick to accept what they are foolishly giving out. Everyone knows that no one wants a woman who sleeps around, but we conveniently skip over the fact that a promiscuous man is just as unattractive to any woman who is looking for something real. When a woman is ready to hop in your bed at a moment’s notice, you think of it as a reflection on her. “If she’s dumb enough to give it out, I’m not going to turn it down.” But, do you ever stop to think of the reflection on you? Yes, she is being dumb to give herself to man who probably won’t value the gift she is bestowing, but you’re also being dumb to connect yourself to such an emotionally immature woman. The man a woman chooses says a lot about her. Do you think the opposite isn’t true?

Sex may be a simple act for you, but it rarely is for women. With it comes a barrage of emotion and feelings that connect her to you (regardless of if you want to be connected to her). You say you don’t want any drama. You say you want to leave the past in the past, but you continually attach yourself to women who aren’t going to let you just “hit and run.”  Come on, man. You should know this. I’m not saying anything new.  You want to lose the drama? You want to stop getting your tires slashed? You want your ex to stop harassing your current girlfriend? Be more selective with the women you connect yourself to.

The next time you have a chance to sleep with a woman who doesn’t respect herself enough to know better, don’t. Instead, tell her she is beautiful inside and out and deserves something better. Tell her you’re not going to be just another man on her long list of losers, even if she invites you to. Tell her the respect you have for all women won’t allow you to be the next mistake in her life. Tell her something she’s probably never heard before. Tell her “no.”

`Nadirah Angail

Like this? Buy Nadirah Angail’s Book “On All the Things That Make Me Beautiful: Short Inspirational Essays on Life, Love & Self” Available here.

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