On Why You’ll Probably Always Be in Bad Relationships

You can learn a lot from Facebook, a whole lot. Every time we update our statuses, we flash quick rays of light into the corners of our minds, momentarily exposing their inner workings. Some of the things we expose are insignificant, others are rather telling, like messages about your relationship.

My heart goes out to the  perpetually troubled because I know that has got to be a hectic place to be in. Consciously, I’m sure you hate the drama and dream of something better, but subconsciously, you enjoy it. Either because it is all you know or all you think you deserve, you’ve gotten comfortable with the fights, the distrust, the lies, and the  whole up and down nature of  it all. It’s familiar and, oh, how we love the feeling of familiarity.

You don’t get something different from just wanting it. You’ve got to actually do something different. We all have patterns of being, ways of doing things, ways of thinking.  And these patterns are either conducive or non-conducive to the goals we’ve set and the lives we want to lead.

I doubt anyone has  “being in a bad relationship ” as a goal, but for many of us,  our  patterns of being  anchor us to that type of experience. Look at your current and past relationships. If you find that you continually end up in the same type of situations with the same type of person, at some point you’ve got to accept that fact that the common denominator is always you.

You can’t control what others do, but you can control what you allow into your life. More importantly, you can control what you invite into your life. Of all the good and bad energies floating around out there, you invite certain ones in depending on the energy you emit. The way you talk, think, dress, and act all contribute to your personal energy. If your energy is of fear, anger, anxiety, insecurity, or false confidence, you will attract a person who feeds on that type of energy (most likely a user who will take advantage of your weaknesses). If your energy is of worth, strength, happiness, peace, love, appreciation, and genuine confidence, you will attract a person who feeds on those qualities.

But all this means nothing to you. You’re not into all this theoretical, philosophical mumbo jumbo. You like to deal with concrete realities, so let’s get concrete. The guy that you’re with now. You knew a long time ago he wasn’t the one.  You either heard things about him through the grapevine  or felt something about him from his presence, but you went along with it anyway. You’ve probably convinced yourself that “it is not that bad,” because “he’ll change when he see how good of a woman I am.”  The truth is that he’ll change only when he absolutely has to, when he realizes his current behavior will no longer get him what he wants, but you’re not ready to hear that yet. You’re thinking about how cute he is or how good he can make you feel. You’re thinking about  how fun he can be (when he’s acting right) or how happy you are just to be with someone. That’s your focus, and that’s why you’re in a bad relationship.

You want something better, but you’re not quite ready to go get it. You’re not even sure how to get it or what it would be like to have it. What you do know is what you’ve got. It’s the same thing you’ve always had (consistent drama) and it’s comfortable.  Even through the pain and emotional strain, it’s comfortable. One day–maybe even today–you’ll realize that comfortable isn’t always good. You’ll realize that getting the love you want means giving it to yourself first. And you’ll realize that all your bad relationships aren’t a coincidence or a curse, but a result of your own doing.

~Nadirah Angail

You can find other essays like this in my new book “On All the Things That Make Me Beautiful” BUY NOW

One thought on “On Why You’ll Probably Always Be in Bad Relationships

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s