Tag Archives: sexualized girls

On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Girls

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*This is the second installment in the What They Should Know series.  Click here to read the third, On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Men. Click here to read the first installment.*

photo credit: Rosen GeorgievHey beautiful babies,

I want you to know that it’s okay to live your life in “play.” No need to press fast-forward. When you get older, you’ll discover that there is no rewind button, so don’t rush.  Ask an adult. They’ll tell you how much they wish they could go back to your age, back when they had no worries, no bills and no job to report to.  Childhood is a vacation that gets your ready for adulthood. Enjoy it.

Don’t look to the shows on Nickelodeon, and Disney Channel (and TV in general)  to understand who and how you should be. Look to the people that love you most: your parents and family. They are the ones that know you are absolutely enough just as you are–without the makeup, without the grown hair styles, without the high heels and skinny jeans and, most definitely, without the  padded bikinis.

Right now, you’re a little girl, probably with missing teeth, chubby cheeks and a messy ponytail that you hate to get combed. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more that  okay. It’s what you are supposed to be. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

It is NOT  your job to try to look older, or to get boys to like you, or to fit in with the mean girls at school. Your job is to LEARN as much as you can so you can grow up to be  smart, well-rounded and cool. Yes, I said cool. That’s important too, you know. Not because you’ll need to try to impress other people, but because you’ll be a woman–the coolest creature on earth!

I must warn you though. You’ll probably come across some people who will try to convince you that women and girls aren’t super cool. They’ll try to make you believe that your only purpose is to be pretty. They’ll tell you you’re not intelligent, that your opinion doesn’t matter and that you better do everything you can think of to make men like you. Can you believe that foolishness? I sure can’t.

Good thing you know better. You know that girls are just as smart as boys and that your cute little face is not your most important feature. What is your most important feature, you ask? Well, duhhh! It’s that kind heart and sharp mind of yours. That’s what really matters, far more that lip gloss and nail polish (even though those are fun too).

You see, when a girl is smart, she’ll be a smart woman. When is woman is smart, she’ll have smart children. When children are smart, they’ll grow into smart adults. And those smart adults will go on to have more smart children… It creates a wonderful cycle. So you, my dear, contribute to the education of the entire world. Cool, huh?

Oh, and as far as men liking you when you get older, the good ones will like you automatically, just because you are you. But no need to worry about any of that now. For now, you’re your mother’s inspiration, your father’s joy, and you are absolutely awesome just the way you are!

~Nadirah Angail

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On my John Mayer Addiction/Aversion

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*Okay, so I know this is old news now, but this came to today while I was trying to force some JM lyrics out of my head*

Why, Mr. Mayer, must you be such an amazingly-talented jerk? Is it too much to ask you to pick a side? I’ve been a hardcore fan since my first concert in ’03. I was one of the few bits of color belting out lyrics in a sea of white. I was a one-man conversion team, trying  desperately to convince my black and brown friends that  John Legend wasn’t the only John in town. I would search out small venue concerts so I could enjoy a more intimate concert experience. Yes, I was one of those.

But no more. I just can’t do it. Though your lyrics still speak to me in a way most others don’t, it’s you I can’t stand. You lost a lot of black fans when you said what you did. For me, it wasn’t about the whole “not being attracted to black girls” thing. I couldn’t care less who you’re attracted to. (If it matters at all, I was never attracted to you, so I guess we’re even there.)  What bothers me is the way you chose to express that lack of attraction.

I’ve never met you, but from you’re music, you’ve always seemed like a smart man, like a socially aware man, like someone I could have good conversations with. But when you make comments likening yourself (parts of yourself) to David Duke and white supremacists, I’m forced to see you in a whole new light. I know your defense: “I didn’t mean it. It came out the wrong way. I didn’t think before I spoke.”

Honestly, that makes it worse. The things we  say without thinking are often the truest. They slip out before we get a chance to doctor them up into what other people want to hear. They give a more genuine look at who we really are.  And from this angle, I must say, I don’t like what I see.

I’m sure you know what David Duke represents, so there is no need to rehash the dramatic details.  You know the hate he preaches and harbors in his heart. I hate to think that you harbor similar feelings. Again, I know your defense: “It was just a joke. I was trying to sound cool. I don’t hate black women.” And I believe you. You probably don’t hate black women consciously, but anyone who would make those kinds of comments, even jokingly, must have a lot going on subconsciously that they probably haven’t allowed themselves to face.

I don’t want this to sound like an excerpt from the diary of a mad black women, because that wouldn’t be a fair representation of who I am, but I have no problem dealing in reality. So, let’s be real. Black women rarely get fair depictions in the media. We are either hyper-sexualized as ample-bosomed, big-butt-toting sex objects or completely desexualized as overbearing, I-don’t-need-a-man ball busters that gladly carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We’ve been reduced to caricatures of images that were already exaggerated and skewed.  There are few, if any, healthy, balanced  images of black female  sexuality. And on top of all that, here comes one of my all-time favorites comparing his lack of sexual attraction for black women to the most infamous racist group in America. Can you see how I might have a problem with that?

With all that said, you music is still wonderful. Regardless of if I like it not, at least one of your songs is almost always on my daily mental playlist. “Daughters” is still brilliant and amazingly-relevant, and “Gravity” is still packed with truth and wisdom. That will never change, but my perception of you, I’m afraid, has.   

~Nadirah Angail