*This is the first installment in the What They Should Know series. Click here to read the second installment, On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Girls*
I know how it looks. I know what you’ve been told and what you’ve seen, and it’s a shame that that is what has colored your experience, not the truth.
The truth is that your body (as beautiful as it is) is NOT all you have to offer. It is NOT your claim to fame and is NOT where your true power lies. Others would have you believe that the outer outweighs the inner, but that’s only because they want to control you. They’d rather you focus on your jean size and hip measurements so they can control your bodies. They’d rather you focus on your skin color and hair texture so they can control your understanding of beauty. They’d rather you focus on everything that has little bearing on who you are and the mark you inevitably leave.
This is not who we are meant to be. A woman at her best is a vessel for inspiration and life, a bringer of hope and balance, an image of peace and grace. This is the potential we all possess.
This message is not to empower you, but to remind you of the strength you already have. Quite literally, we give shape and texture to the world by lending our wombs to the future. Don’t you think we deserve respect for that? Don’t you think we deserve to be seen in all our complexity and not reduced to paper-thin imitations of what others say we should be?
Of course we do! We are grand. No, not in a superficial, “your girl ain’t got nothing on me” kind of way, but in a way that recognizes and validates all that we are. Everyone may not realize this (in fact, I’m sure many would rather not) but as long as you know what is true, they’ll have no choice but to become aware.
When men disrespect us, they do it with our permission. When advertisers and other companies misrepresent us, they do it with our permission. Don’t bother getting upset at my observation. Just accept the truth. When we demand to be treated differently and better, then–and only then– will they have no choice but to conform.
I’m certain you already know this, but men love women. And they’ll do whatever they have to to get us. So, when they continually disrespect us, it’s because they know they can with no repercussions. The moment you let them know, “Homie, it’s not even going down,” things change. At that point, they are forced to do one of two things: 1.) treat you the way you want to be treated or 2.) move on to someone else who won’t mind their foolishness. The choice is theirs. Either way, you’ll be better off.
Here’s something else you already know: advertisers love women. They know we’re an easy target that spends far more than men. But, the moment we let them know, “I’m not buying this trash!” they’ll be forced to do one of two things: 1.) stop selling items and sending messages that objectify us or 2.) go out of business and head over to the unemployment line. The choice is theirs. Either way, you’ll be better off.
We’d all be better off if the world realized the jewel it has in women. We don’t need to exist without men or even above them, but only to be recognized by them (and ourselves) for the value we add to the world.
~Nadirah Angail
As I prepare to deliver this baby girl, and officially join the ranks of those who call themselves “mothers,” I take stock of all the additional responsibility I’ll have to take on. Changing diapers, bathing, grooming, feeding, and protecting: these are the absolute bare bones of parenting, a simple enough list that I think I can handle. But, on top of that, there’s also teaching (worldly and Islamic knowledge) providing an example of a good Muslim woman, exuding self love and confidence so she’ll have a solid base from which to launch her own self esteem, maintaining a healthy relationship with her father so she’ll know what a good marriage looks like, creating a welcoming and nurturing home environment so she’ll always feel comfortable and secure, staying abreast of her interests and concerns so she’ll always have someone to talk to, guiding her through puberty and all the other complicated transformations females go through, showing her how to be fashionable and Islamic, training her on the do’s and don’ts of cross-gender relations, educating her on what friendship is and isn’t… This list could go on forever.
It’s almost as if women are the only ones capable of having a negative impact on the world. This seems to be the case in general society, but also within the Muslim communities. Though the religion of Islam brought liberation and improved conditions for pre-Islamic women, actual Muslims (some of them) have taken it upon themselves to be the harsh judges and dictators of women. This is not to say that women are perfect while men are really the devilish ones. It is to say that women get most, if not all, of the criticism and angry tirades while men seem to remain relatively unobserved.
In Islam, men have certain responsibilities and women have certain responsibilities. They are all important and should be taken seriously, but would it not make sense to begin to put more emphasis on our men, our providers, our leaders, our protectors, our imams, our fighters? I understand how tempting it must be to focus all attention on women–we’re beautiful, alluring, and a constant reminder of Islam. Our prescribed style of dress marks us as beacons for the entire world to see. Like a single red rose amongst a sea of yellow daisies, we stand out in a most beautiful way. Don’t punish us for this. Correct us when we sin and give us reminders so that we may stay aware, but don’t forget to do the same for yourselves. Your improper actions are just as wrong and punishable as ours. Remember this just as often as you remember us.
