First off, I’m not dissing Chilli. I like her. She seems cool and sweet, but I think she represents a LOT of women who want serious relationships, but don’t know how to go about finding it. There. Now that that’s said, let’s move on.
Have you seen her show, What Chilli Wants? It follows the typical reality show formula: single pop star + many single people of the opposite sex + cameras to record what happens = reality show hit. Unlike many other stars with shows, she doesn’t seem to be merely looking for some fun. She genuinely seems interested in finding a real mate, and while I don’t know why she would take the reality show route (I mean, just look at their track record) I can appreciate that she’s not just another person on TV looking to have televised sex.
She’s made it clear that she wants to find a husband and have another child. Good for her, but with all due respect, Chilli boo, what the hell are you doing? I see that you like Floyd. I see that he’s spontaneous and fun to be with, and the sexual chemistry between you two is blindingly obvious. However, I also see that he is in no way interested in marrying you.
My heart goes out to you, because I know you (and many other women like you) are holding out for the chance that he’ll come around and somehow morph into the man you wish he was. But, let me tell you a little secret: A man that wants to marry you will not behave the way Floyd does. When a man wants to marry you, you’ll know it. He won’t give vague answers to your straightforward questions. He won’t get antsy and avoidant when you bring up the topic of serious relationships, and he won’t leave you feeling confused and frustrated about where your relationship is going.
I can see you have an uneasy feeling about him.You sense his “hesitation” (which is really just a lack of serious interest) and it worries you. Go with that feelings. It’s right on. You shouldn’t have to ask a man 100 times if you two will ever be in a serious relationship. If he avoids the question, don’t say, “Why won’t you answer me? You always do this.” Instead, say, ” Thanks for the answer. Have a nice life.” Then, get up, walk off, and go find you the man you’re really looking for. So many women allow themselves to be stressed by men who have no interest in becoming their husbands. We always talk about how there is a shortage of good men. Maybe that’s true, but even if it is, I guarantee they aren’t so scarce that you have to resort to begging men who don’t want you.
As marriage-seeking women, we have to understand that not every man is going to accept the terms we set forth, and that’s okay. After all, our bars are pretty high and not every man can clear them. That’s their fault, not ours. We live in a society where, more and more, marriage is being considered an antiquated waste of time. Because of the many messy divorces and how extremely accessible casual sex is, many men just aren’t willing to make that permanent commitment. To each his own. I’m not here to try to force anyone who doesn’t want to get married to do so (I’ve got better ways to spend my time), but I am here to encourage women who are seeking marriage to only concern themselves with like-minded men. Your time is too valuable and your body is too precious for you to be wasting them on men who have a zero percent chance of becoming your husband. Set your standards and stick to them. Period. End of story. Fat lady has finished singing. The curtains have closed.
~Nadirah Angail
