Lately, I’ve seen a lot of Facebook status updates, usually from teens or women in early twenties, that go something like this: “Posting from that new HTC Evo Mr. Man bought me. Good looking, boo!” Mind you, Mr. Man is the guy she met a week ago.
Gifts are always nice, especially really expensive ones, but am I the only one that sees a problem with this? Perhaps they’re thinking, “Wow, he must really like me to buy me something like this,” or “Wow, his pockets must be fat.” That isn’t necessarily true. In fact, it usually isn’t true. What these ladies fail to see is that if he is willing to buy you something so expensive that soon, obviously spending money on a woman isn’t that big of a deal to him. It’s nothing special (i.e. you’re nothing special). You’re sitting up here cheesing, thinking you’ve gotten some preferential treatment when the reality is that he probably bought 5 of those HTCs and gave the rest to four other girls who are just as easily impressed as you are. And as far as expensive gifts equaling big bank accounts, think again. More often than not, it equals big debt and small savings.
Why would you even want expensive gifts from a practical stranger anyway? Doesn’t it freak you out, at least a bit? Everyone says they’d love a random person to give them something expensive, but in reality, that’s got to make some eyebrows wrinkle and set off some major mental alarms. Imagine walking down the street and a stranger smiled, gave you a flower and said, “Have a nice day!” At worst, you think it was a little creepy, but not a big deal. At best, you’d think it was extremely cute. (It all depends on how attractive and charming the stranger was.) Now let’s imagine that same stranger smiled, gave you $500 and said, “Have a nice day!” Even if he was the most handsome guy in the world, wouldn’t you still wonder what was going on and why he’d give you (someone he doesn’t know) that kind of money? If it were me, I’d think maybe it was stolen, or it was some kind of set up, or maybe I was on some type of hidden-camera game show. (Perhaps I’m a little paranoid. Can’t help it. People are crazy out here.)
My point is that, in general, people don’t just go around handing out expensive gifts. Those usually don’t come until there has been a serious time and emotional investment in the relationship. So, if the two of you have yet to establish a relationship to invest in, what is he doing spending all this money? Doesn’t seem sincere. Seems more like he’s trying to impress you or buy his way into your pants–probably both.
Ladies, we’ve got to let men know we’re not for sale. You can’t just take me on a shopping spree and get instant access to my body. It doesn’t work that way. Well, it shouldn’t work that way, but unfortunately for a lot of women, it does. We get so happy about the shoes he bought us, or the Hawaii trip he took us on, that we don’t even take the time to truly evaluate whether or not this man will make a good partner, the type that is looking for something lasting. Then, a month later, when he’s moved on to the next PYT that caught his eye, we’re left with an attitude, a broken heart, and a bunch of Facebook statuses that say things like “Uhh, just wanna curl up and cry. FML. Niggas ain’t sh_t! (sad face, sad face).”
Here’s something you should know: When you’re ready to be in a real relationship with someone that has some serious potential, you won’t be easily swayed. You’ll save the gift giving for later and focus on getting to know who this man is, not what he can buy (or charge). Here’s something else you should know: A man who is looking for a serious relationship isn’t going to just shower you with expensive gifts right off the bat. Sure, he’ll take you to dinner and all the other usual things like that, but he’s not going to start investing serious money in you until he knows you’re worth his investment. A good man doesn’t want to risk spending up all his hard-earned money on the wrong woman. He’ll take it slow, which is what you should be doing also. And if he’s rich and has money to throw around, chances are he’ll probably try to play it low key to make sure you’re not a gold digger. So, either way, quick spending is a tell tail sign that he is NOT serious and only looking for something quick, fleeting and fun. Save yourself a lot of heartache and don’t let the flashy money fool you.
~Nadirah Angail
I was at the mall this past Saturday with a friend. I hadn’t been there in months, and I was genuinely amazed at how packed it was; I practically had to park at the grocery store across the street. “It’s mid January,” I thought to myself. “Black Friday and the Christmas rush are over. What could have this many people out shopping?” I love to ask myself questions I already know the answer to.
