Tag Archives: facebook

On the Pathology Facebook Encourages

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I guess I shouldn’t be one to talk about the “Book”; I’m always on. But there is a method to my Facebook madness. I don’t get on to stalk check-up on people I have no real connection to friends. I get on to stay abreast of what’s going on so my blogs can be current and–of course– to promote (myself and anyone else doing positive things).

As wonderful as Facebook is, though, it has its drawbacks, namely, the unnatural way it causes us to “connect”  with each other. When it come to Facebook, there seems to be an inverse relationship between our online connections and those we have offline. The more we “chat it up” online, the less we do in real person. “What’s the big deal?” you may ask. I’ll tell you: Facebook gives us the option of connecting with no real connection, of reaching out without really reaching. We are social beings by nature. Encoded in our DNA is the need to see and interact with other people. Only through these connections can we know that we truly are, that we most certainly exist.  And that’s why Facebook is so popular. It appeals to our desperate need for interaction.

There is only one problem: the interaction isn’t real. It is a synthesized imitation, devoid of all the precious subtleties of genuine human interaction.  Ask anyone who’s been in a long distance relationship. No amount of AIMing, MSNing, FBing, texting, SKYPEing or even phone talking can compare to quality time in person. We need that. It’s non-negotiable.

Facebook teaches us that “likes” and “tags” and “mentions” equal acceptance and approval. That’s not necessarily true. When there are no real eyes to look into, no voice to hear, to body language to read, you have no real way of knowing that persons true intentions. That person who “liked” you may not really like you at all. That person who “tagged” you may have ulterior motives. That person who “mentioned” you may have an agenda. When all we do is “add” and picture comment, how can we really know a person? How can we feel connected to them? We are so comfortable with meeting people online that the idea of actual meeting begins to sound strange.

“You want me to just talk to that man over there?! I’m not doing that!”

“Why would I start a conversation with a random stranger? They might be an axe murderer!”

Meanwhile, these same people will friend request a total stranger in a heartbeat. Do you see the pathology? In just a short amount of time, we’ve been conditioned to crave fake interactions and fear real ones. Scary stuff.

I am not against Facebook. I’ve met some wonderful people while logged in. But my most genuine connections are with real people.

Not profile pics.

Not pop-up chat boxes.

Not avatars.

Real people.

~Nadirah Angail

Like this? Buy Nadirah Angail’s Book “On All the Things That Make Me Beautiful: Short Inspirational Essays on Life, Love & Self” Available here.

On the Curiously Strong Need for Acceptance

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Other than death, public speaking strikes fear into people’s hearts like no other. The thought of being on a stage presenting yourself to others does things to people. It has a vomit-inducing quality you don’t find too many other places. It’s not because of shyness or a lack of preparation. It’s deeper than that. It comes from a fear that sits with us all at some point or another: the fear of not being accepted.

No matter who you are, no matter where you are, you want to feel accepted, maybe not by everyone, but definitely by someone. Acceptance doesn’t just mean being liked. It means knowing and resting assured that someone—even if it’s only one person—sees the person you are and is okay with that. Despite the ugliness you try to hide, despite the humanness you try to downplay, despite the darkened bits of yourself that feed on jealousy and rage, someone is aware of that and still looks at you with love and kindness.

This intoxicating feeling is what we all chase, consciously or subconsciously. When we feel accepted, we feel worthy of love. It lets us know that the natural light within us all has been recognized and is, therefore, still intact. Without that grounding feeling, the world is a very cold place.

When you feel accepted by those that matter most, there is no need to search for it from lesser influences. But when you don’t feel it, the stamp of others becomes vital. When we constantly seek others’ approval, to the point where we become puppets and “yes men,” we are attempting to fill the painful voids we feel our loved ones have left. Acceptance is not negotiable; we must have it, so If we feel we can’t get it from the right sources, we will settle for any source that offers. Life is too hard to go through alone. Good or bad, we will find companions.

This partially explains why social networking sites like Facebook are so popular. Beyond the convenience of having access to everyone you’ve ever met in life on one screen, it’s an easy way for us to gain (or at least feel like we’ve gained) the acceptance of the masses.  Every comment, every wall post and every “like” is a small piece of acceptance we gladly take ownership of. Though many of these virtual interactions are superficial and may have nothing to do with genuine acceptance, our fragile egos don’t seem to know the difference.

And in the midst of all this acceptance searching, we limit our acceptance giving. As if there were an inverse relationship between what we give and what we get back, we guard our acceptance and offer vicious judgment in its place.  Something about judgment of others makes it so appealing. Maybe it’s the cheap and fleeting satisfaction it provides. Maybe it’s the magical way it seems to inflate our self images, putter a greater distance between “us” and “them.”  Or maybe it’s the fact that judgment is what creates and maintains the us/them dynamic.  Gotta have something to make us feel special.

It’s a shame  we get so distracted. Against the loud clamor of this world, God’s peace seems to get lost. We get persuaded by things and corrupted ideas that God’s acceptance isn’t first and foremost, isn’t redeeming, isn’t  complete.  That couldn’t be farther from the truth. The best acceptance doesn’t come from the fringe. It comes from the core. Seek it there. Find it there.  

~Nadirah Angail