Tag Archives: confidence

On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Boys

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*This is the fourth and final installment in the What They Should Know series.  Click here to read the third installment.*

image credit: hinnamsaisuyBoys, boys, boys,

You little guys sure do keep us parents on our toes. You’ve got the type of energy companies wish they could bottle and sell. Shoot, I wish I could bottle and sell it! That would be a money maker for sure.

I have to apologize for some of the things you’ve been told.  You’ve probably already heard the sayings, ” Stop crying. Be a man” and “Stop being a girl.” They give the impression that in order to be accepted and liked, in order to be a real man, you have to be hard and without emotion, and  you absolutely CANNOT–under any circumstances– be a girl (i.e. weak).

Well, take it from me, girls are not weak and neither are you. It is literally in your DNA to be strong. That’s not a metaphor. I’m being serious here. I’m talking straight up fact. As you get older and develop, you’ll see just what I mean, but for now you’ll just have to trust me.

The common representation of masculinity (look it up if you don’t understand that word) is all wrong. It focuses on the look of manliness. It tells you to be big, bad and rough, just to make sure there’s no confusion. That’s not what it means to be a man. Real men don’t use their strength to hurt others; they use it to protect. And real men understand that taking the time to build their mental muscles is just as important as building their physical ones.

Your going to come across a lot of ideas in your life, and many of them will be silly, dangerous and flat-out wrong. You’ll need to be intelligent enough to avoid those. So many young boys get off to a bad start because they follow in the footsteps of men who never fully developed. Sure, they may look like adults, but on the inside they’re no wiser than you. Is that what you want, to grow up and still have the mind of a child? Of course you don’t, and you won’t. You know better.

There may be some boys at your school who say doing your work and being smart isn’t cool. Those boys are wrong. Like, really, really wrong. If I had to take a guess, I’d say those boys don’t feel smart themselves, and so they’re trying to make you feel as badly as they do. Don’t fall for it, because in the real world, the so-called nerds are the ones making all the moves (and money).

So keep getting  (or start getting) those A’s and don’t let anyone make you feel bad for it. The future adult in you will thank you for it later. But for now, you’re a little boy. You probably like worms and race cars, and you might think girls are a little… weird. That’s fine, as long as you know they’re not weak, and neither are you.

~Nadirah Angail

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On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Girls

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*This is the second installment in the What They Should Know series.  Click here to read the third, On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Men. Click here to read the first installment.*

photo credit: Rosen GeorgievHey beautiful babies,

I want you to know that it’s okay to live your life in “play.” No need to press fast-forward. When you get older, you’ll discover that there is no rewind button, so don’t rush.  Ask an adult. They’ll tell you how much they wish they could go back to your age, back when they had no worries, no bills and no job to report to.  Childhood is a vacation that gets your ready for adulthood. Enjoy it.

Don’t look to the shows on Nickelodeon, and Disney Channel (and TV in general)  to understand who and how you should be. Look to the people that love you most: your parents and family. They are the ones that know you are absolutely enough just as you are–without the makeup, without the grown hair styles, without the high heels and skinny jeans and, most definitely, without the  padded bikinis.

Right now, you’re a little girl, probably with missing teeth, chubby cheeks and a messy ponytail that you hate to get combed. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s more that  okay. It’s what you are supposed to be. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

It is NOT  your job to try to look older, or to get boys to like you, or to fit in with the mean girls at school. Your job is to LEARN as much as you can so you can grow up to be  smart, well-rounded and cool. Yes, I said cool. That’s important too, you know. Not because you’ll need to try to impress other people, but because you’ll be a woman–the coolest creature on earth!

I must warn you though. You’ll probably come across some people who will try to convince you that women and girls aren’t super cool. They’ll try to make you believe that your only purpose is to be pretty. They’ll tell you you’re not intelligent, that your opinion doesn’t matter and that you better do everything you can think of to make men like you. Can you believe that foolishness? I sure can’t.

Good thing you know better. You know that girls are just as smart as boys and that your cute little face is not your most important feature. What is your most important feature, you ask? Well, duhhh! It’s that kind heart and sharp mind of yours. That’s what really matters, far more that lip gloss and nail polish (even though those are fun too).

You see, when a girl is smart, she’ll be a smart woman. When is woman is smart, she’ll have smart children. When children are smart, they’ll grow into smart adults. And those smart adults will go on to have more smart children… It creates a wonderful cycle. So you, my dear, contribute to the education of the entire world. Cool, huh?

Oh, and as far as men liking you when you get older, the good ones will like you automatically, just because you are you. But no need to worry about any of that now. For now, you’re your mother’s inspiration, your father’s joy, and you are absolutely awesome just the way you are!

~Nadirah Angail

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On What They Should Know: A Powerful Message to Young Women

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*This is the first installment in the What They Should Know series.  Click here to read the second installment, On What They Should Know: A Message to Young Girls*

Credit: Roland DarbyI know how it looks. I know what you’ve been told and what you’ve seen, and it’s a shame that that is what has colored your experience, not the truth.

The truth is that your body (as beautiful as it is) is NOT all you have to offer. It is NOT your claim to fame and is NOT where your true power lies. Others would have you believe that the outer outweighs the inner, but that’s only because they want to control you. They’d rather you focus on your jean size and hip measurements so they can control your bodies. They’d rather you focus on your skin color and hair texture so they can control your understanding of beauty. They’d rather you focus on everything that has little bearing on who you are and the mark you inevitably leave.

This is not who we are meant to be. A woman at her best is a vessel for inspiration and life, a bringer of hope and balance, an image of peace and grace. This is the potential we all possess.

This message is not to empower you, but to remind you of  the strength you already have. Quite literally, we give shape and texture to the world by lending our wombs to the future. Don’t you think we deserve respect for that? Don’t you think we deserve to be seen in all our complexity and not reduced to paper-thin imitations of what others say we should be?

Of course we  do! We are grand. No, not in a superficial, “your girl ain’t got nothing on me” kind of way, but in a way that recognizes and validates all that we are. Everyone may not realize this (in fact, I’m sure many would rather not) but as long as you know what is true, they’ll have no choice but to become aware.

When men disrespect us, they do it with our permission. When advertisers and other companies misrepresent us, they do it with our permission. Don’t bother getting upset at my observation. Just accept the truth. When we demand to be treated differently and better, then–and only then– will they have no choice but to conform.

I’m certain you already know this, but men love women. And they’ll do whatever they have to to get us. So, when they continually disrespect us, it’s because they know they can with no repercussions.  The moment you let them know, “Homie, it’s not even going down,” things change.  At that point, they are forced to do one of two things: 1.) treat you the way you want to be treated or 2.) move on to someone else who won’t mind their foolishness. The choice is theirs. Either way, you’ll be better off.

Here’s something else you already know: advertisers love women. They know we’re an easy target that spends far more than men. But, the moment we let them know, “I’m not buying this trash!” they’ll be forced to do one of two things: 1.) stop selling items and sending messages that objectify us or 2.) go out of business and head over to the unemployment line. The choice is theirs. Either way, you’ll be better off.

We’d all be better off if the world realized the jewel it has in women. We don’t need to exist without men or even above them, but only to be recognized by them (and ourselves) for the value we add to the world.

~Nadirah Angail

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Hanna Montana/Miley Cyrus Will Not Be in This Home

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It is hard to turn on the TV or go to the store and not see some type of Hanna Montana paraphernalia. Other than the Disney Channel show, there are posters, shoes, clothes, dolls, purses, lunch boxes, you name it. Now, I don’t have a problem with Hanna. I actually think she has a great voice, but when my daughter gets older and starts to take interest in those sorts of things, it won’t be Hanna Montana. 

It’s not because of that over-18 boyfriend she’s got (or had, I don’t really follow much what she’s up to) or those in-her-undies photos that surfaced on the web. It’s because she’s white. Before you get upset and write me off as a racist, hear me out. There’s nothing wrong with white people, but my daughter is brown, and as a good mother, it’s my duty to surround her with self-affirming images that would never make her question her worth and beauty.

It would be a different issue if it was just Hanna Montana, but its not. It’s practically every girl on Disney channel (and Nickelodeon, and Noggin). It’s majority of the dolls at the store. It’s most of the faces in the magazines. It’s many of the illustrations in library books. I can’t allow this society to saddle my daughter with all these images that look nothing like her and think it won’t have an affect. I’ve seen too many beautiful little brown girls wish away their brownness. That’s more brown confidence shot to the ether.

I remember my mother searching through the library books to make sure they had enough brown faces in them. I remember her buying me brown dolls and refusing to let me “perm” my hair (no matter how much I begged). I didn’t realize it at the time, but she was arming me with tools I needed to form a healthy, solid sense of self worth and acceptance.

This wouldn’t be an issue if we lived in a world that loved everyone equally, but we don’t. Our world is one that has infected the black community–and other communities as well–with the diseased notions of “good-hair” and the “paper bag test.” Our world is one that makes otherwise beautiful people bleach their skin in the hopes if making it lighter, better. Our world is one that has black women buying up every hair product they can that promises to make their tresses straighter and silkier. It’s a tough world. I’m bringing my armor.

Be clear: This doesn’t mean that I’m going to shield her from all things white. That would be dangerous and impossible. I want her to recognize the beauty of diversity and all the different colors of people there are. I just don’t want her to ever forget how beautiful she is.
~Nadirah Angail   

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