Category Archives: Grab Bag

Blogs that don’t quite fit anywhere else

On Attacks on Michelle Obama and Other Efforts to Undermine Positive Change and Powerful Women

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Okay, you guys know me by now. I’m usually really nice, right? I don’t go around talking about people and calling names. That’s just not how I roll, but I have to say this, and I have to say it right now at the very beginning, before I even think about typing another word: Rush Limbaugh, you look like a pig.

Whoo, that felt good. Had to get that off me. It was weighing me down. Now, I can get back to being my normal, sweet self. If you’re wondering why I said that, you probably haven’t heard Limbaugh’s latest jewel on Michelle Omaba and how he thinks she’s a hypocrite for calling for everyone else to eat “roots and berries and tree bark… [when she] does not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.”

Look here, Mr. Limbaugh. First off, not even the women on the cover of Sports Illustrated look like the women on the cover of Sports Illustrated. There is so much airbrushing and computer altering that that even you could pass for a scantily-clad hottie. Secondly, Michelle Obama looks great, but even if she didn’t, how dare you be upset at her for trying to fix some of the f’ed up eating habits we Americans have been tricked into adopting.  It’s apparent that you don’t care about your own health or looks, but I care about mine, and I care about those of the people around me. So, when I hear someone with as much power and influence as Mrs. Obama doing things like planting a garden at the White House and advocating for healthier food for children, I can’t help but smile.

Seriously, how can you be against healthier food for children? Are you the devil, because I can’t imagine any normal human having a problem with that. Even the biggest junk food junkie knows that children (and adults) need healthy food. And even if that junkie was too weak and addicted to make the changes himself, he’d have enough sense to see the value in it and not attack the person advocating it. Yes, I’m convinced. You’re the devil. That’s the only explanation.

Or maybe it isn’t. Maybe you just represent a tiny sliver (or should I say a big, round sliver) of the male-dominated forces that want only to maintain the status quo. You’re not the devil at all. You’re just another man who hates to see a powerful woman–especially one who isn’t white–pushing an agenda that doesn’t coincide with yours.  It happens all the time. Any time a woman with some reach encourages people to do something better and different, she gets attacked by people like you. The same thing happened to Hillary Clinton when she used to campaign for universal health care back in the 90′s. You even do it to President Obama–a man–who attempted to make small changes in the current American health care ticking time bomb.

The arrogance and complete disregard of people like you never ceases to amaze me. You want to sit up and live a nice cushy life, but then get upset when someone suggests a policy that would allow others to possibly live as good as you.  ”How dare you want Americans to be healthier?” you say. “They need to continue to eat themselves into sickness so these insurance companies (and everyone invested in them) can keep raking it in.  What’s that? People are dying and going bankrupt over hospital bills? So what? That’s a small price to pay for the type of money it’s generating.”

You’d think I’d get used to this sort of thing. The powerful few have been trying to silence advocates of the masses forever. This is not new. Just yesterday was the 45th anniversary of the death of Malcolm X,  a leader who lost his life trying to free the minds of his people. See, I’ve got you figured out, Mr. Limbaugh. You don’t like free minds. You know how it works:

Free minds=independent thinking=no more easy manipulation=no more brainwashed masses= eventual revolution and lasting change.

You know that equation forwards and backwards–just like the protesters in Egypt knew it–and you hate it. You see what they accomplished in a few short weeks, and you can’t stand the idea of Americans being even a fraction as bold by taking charge of their own life and health.  So, what do you do? You compare Mrs. Obama to an altered image of a super model, and then lambaste her for not looking that way.  And then, as if that weren’t enough, you use that silly comparison as justification for why people shouldn’t get on board with her campaign. Never mind how you look. Never mind the fact that your assessment of her is completely off. Never mind the fact that something as superficial as looks shouldn’t even be an issue at this point. America, despite spending more on health care than any other country, ranks 36th in life expectancy, right behind South Korea and Cuba.  Everyday,  new products are created and new books on written on how to be healthy and happy. Yet and still, we continue to slide down the slope of sickness and disease. But, hey, those are only minor details, right? They’re unimportant and completely unworthy of anyone’s attention. As long as you and your crew keep living well, all is right with the world.

~Nadirah Angail

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On Defending “Evil” Single Mothers

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Preface: I am not a single mother. I don’t even think this information is relevant, but I include it only for the ignorant folk that think the only people who stand up for and don’t disapprove of single mothers are other single mothers.

Today was supposed to be a non-writing day, one where I spend my precious time doing some of the many other things I have to do that have nothing to do with this blog or my books. Everything was going fine until I came across the latest study from the Pew Research Center about views on single mothers. Actually, the study was about views on non-traditional family units overall, but I’ll only be addressing the part on single moms.

As you can probably imagine, this study is stirring up quite a commotion out there in cyberspace. It stated that, of the 2,691 people surveyed, 2/3 of them felt single mothers are “bad for society.” (Yes, that is an actual quote.) Most of these respondents were more against single mother-led households than any other family unit type included in the study. Based on the flood of comments I read on various sites, I’d say it’s fair to draw two conclusions:

1.) Single moms are pissed about this study.

2.) Single moms have been vilified in our society, and many people (male and female alike) have no problem treating them like second-class citizens–as long as they’re protected by the anonymity of their online screen names, of course.

It seems many people equate single mothers with “good-time girls” who just can’t seem to keep their legs closed. Let’s be honest, there are some women that fall into that category, but not even on my craziest day would I say that all, or even most, single mothers meet that description. There are many single mothers who are widows, divorcees, or women that were once in stable relationships with good men who fell on hard times and turned to drugs and alcohol. These women are not loose, easy, irresponsible, or uneducated. They’re just doing their best to handle a difficult situation.

They’re also invisible. Of all the varied single mothers out there, the media likes to showcase a particular segment exclusively.  They, the media, love to showcase single mothers who have created their current situations by having sex with losers. By portraying single-motherhood this way, it allows the impressionable public to focus on the women’s bad choices and not the men’s total abandonment. Through that lens, the women become the evil culprits and the men fade into the background, escaping judgement and accountability. After all, how can you be mad at a fool who made no attempt to hide his foolishness?

Oddly enough, I agree with that last statement. I still think absent dads should be held accountable for their absence,  but it irks the mess out of me to hear about women getting pregnant by men who had already proven themselves as complete jerks with zero father potential. The hit show Teen Mom comes to mind. I wouldn’t call myself a super fan, but I watch whenever I happened to come across the show. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard young, pregnant girls say things like, “We were only dating for (insert a short period of time here) when I got pregnant. *Nervous laugh*.” These are teen girls making these unfortunate statements, but there are also adult women who hold this same truth… #*%#&*hf!@h?

Sorry about the gibberish. I let my anger get the best of me. I’m usually very composed. I don’t know what came over me. No, I know. It was my frustration and concern. I love women. I think God did an amazing thing when he created us. We hold such power, but are still so vulnerable. What a combination. I know we have the potential to be great. That’s why I get so bothered when I see some of us making bad decisions when it comes to men.

Hey, I get it. Men are attractive. They’re big and strong and know how to make us feel good (some of them, anyway).  I can see how some smooth talking and the touch of a firm hand can get your knees to shaking, but we’ve got to be stronger than that. Men are not the ones that can get pregnant. We are. Men are not the ones who have to loan their bodies out for 9 months.  We are.  Men are not the ones who have to grunt, scream, contort, pray and push a baby into the world. We are. And men (unless they choose to) are not the ones that have to raise these children to adulthood. There is so much more responsibility on us. We have to have a discerning eye when it comes to who we share our beds with. For him, it may just be a night of fun, but for us, it’s a life decision.

P.S. To all you big, bad commenters who think single moms are the worst thing ever, what are you doing to help the situation?

~Nadirah Angail

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On Grief. Other people’s, Not Yours

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When when we encounter someone who is feeling blue, it’s pretty standard to say, “Don’t cry,” or “It’ll be alright.” We say this because we want to help. We want to make the person feel better. That’s what I used to think, until I was confronted by a teacher in my Marriage and Family Therapy program who called me out on my ulterior motives.

I’ll set the scene. There I was explaining to my teacher/supervisor about the last session I had with a young teen client who was bummed about the news of my leaving. We had gotten pretty close, and he didn’t want to go through that whole “joining” process again with someone else. Understandable, but I was leaving that job, so there was nothing I could do about it. After describing the client’s dismay, my supervisor asked me one question: “What did you say?”

“I told him it would be okay and that he was getting a new therapist that would be able to pick up where we left off,” I answered.

“Why did you say that?” he responded plainly. That response threw me off. Definitely didn’t expect it. I mean, was that the wrong thing to say? Isn’t that the normal response, what people usually say? Why would he ask me why I said it? I gave him a look that let him know I was confused, hoping he would fill in all the question marks I had floating around in my head, but he said nothing. He let the silence linger and continued to look at me with his “I’m waiting” eyes. I had to say something.

“Well, I wanted him to know that just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean he has to be sad and that he will still be able to get what he needs from his new therapist.” I hoped that answer would do the trick. It didn’t.

“Why did you feel the need to tell him that?” Here we go again, I thought. I was stumped. Obviously, he was trying to make a point, but I had no idea what it was. Why was he questioning me like this?

“Why was it important for you to say that at that moment?” he asked, rephrasing the question.

“I wanted to make him feel better.”

“Is that what you think he needed at that moment, for you to make him feel better?” Had I gone with my gut reaction, I would have answered yes, but I had a feeling that would lead to a bunch more tricky questions.

“No,” I answered, hoping that was the right answer.

“So, why did you say it? How were you feeling at the time?”

This one was easy. “I felt bad because he felt bad.”

“So, were you making him feel better or yourself?”

Finally, I realized where he was taking me. “I was making myself feel better,” I answered, embarrassed. The conversation went on, but I think you’ve heard enough. A lot of times, we try to cheer people up, not because we want them to feel better, but because we don’t like the way we feel when they feel bad. Think about it. Doesn’t it feel awkward or even painful for you when you see someone else (especially someone you care about) feeling bad? We’ve all muttered the phrase, “Come on, don’t cry. You’re gonna make me cry,” as if the most important thing at that moment is making  YOU feel better.

We mean well. We always mean well, but we don’t realize that when we tell people not to cry or to “cheer up,” we’re really telling them, “You need to get happy, so I don’t have to leave my comfort zone.” Allowing someone to just be in their sad moment means forcing ourselves to hold some of that sadness, too. We have to learn how to allow others to experience their pain, knowing that it will involve us inheriting at least a bit of that pain as well. Despite the urge, there is no need to interject any syrupy sweet Hallmark words. All that does is invalidate their feelings and encourage them to hurry through their feelings to get back to the ones you like the best. That is not helpful.  Grief is a natural part of life we all have to go through from time to time. Forcing ourselves and  others to hurry through it does not make it go away, and it does not bring about genuine happiness.

~Nadirah Angail

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On Empty Savings Accounts and Modern-day Slaves

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I was at the mall this past Saturday with a friend. I hadn’t been there in months, and I was genuinely amazed at how packed it was; I practically had to park at the grocery store across the street. “It’s mid January,” I thought to myself. “Black Friday and the Christmas rush are over. What could have this many people out shopping?” I love to ask myself questions I already know the answer to.

There was nothing new driving  people to the mall. It was that same old “gotta have it because going without it would be criminal and downright un-American” mindset. From a young age, we learn to want everything and to spend whatever necessary to get it. After all, we’re good people. We deserve to be happy, and everyone knows happiness = lots and lots of stuff. And so our debts rise, our bank balances fall, and our self images stay wrapped up in all this stuff.

There is nothing wrong with wanting nice things, but are they so important that we’re willing to jeopardize our financial futures? Another question I already know the answer to. According to the Federal Reserve, the average American has nearly $16,000 in credit card debt and saves at a negative rate. Quite literally, living beyond our means has become the American way. As rich as we all like to look like we are, this behavior and way of thinking is keeping us poor. You wouldn’t know it from all the designer handbags, red-bottom stilettos, and luxury cars, but we’re drowning under our need to look the part. The more we spend on looking cute and living the “good life,” the less we’re putting away for later. Our children are learning that it’s perfectly normal to spend everything they have (and then some)  on things that aren’t even necessities. No money for the future? No problem. That’s what all these nice credit card companies are for. They’re here to help us by lending us all their wonderful money. And all we have to do is spend the rest of our lives paying them back 2-3 times the amount we borrowed. Cool, right?

The days of chain-and-whip slavery are over, but financial slavery is alive and well, and its effects are just as bad. Generation after generation is living hand to mouth, with no wealth or land to call their own. The tiny sliver of the population that controls majority of the money and influence is able to live that way because of our ignorance. While we–the gullible masses–are out spending on over-priced items that begin to depreciate the second we take ownership of them, they are off doubling and tripling their money, ensuring that their offspring will never have to live the financially enslaved lives that many of us do. If you want to get your children a real birthday/Christmas/Eid/”just because” gift, open a savings account in their name and teach them about the importance of spending wisely. Don’t pass on the poor mindset we inherited.

~Nadirah Angail

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On Letters From A Jilted Green Smoothie

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Heartbroken SmoothieI ran out of green smoothie ingredients. It took me a while to get some more. After about a week went by, I found this letter tacked to my blender:

Dear Nad,

It’s been 7 days since we last hooked up, or is it 8? I stopped keeping track a while back. Too painful. I guess I should have listened to my smoothie friends. “Stay away from those humans,” they warned. “They’ll use and abuse you.” Had I only listened, I would not be sitting here now in such a sad state, thinking back on fond memories of last week. Did I do some wrong? Did my greens get slimy? Was my fruit too bitter? Maybe my reading was off, but you seemed to like me a lot. You even introduced me to your daughter. That was a big step… or so I thought.

I thought you were different. I thought you enjoyed my nutritious veggies and delectable fruits. I thought you loved the energy boosts, glowing skin, and plethora of vitamins that your average American pals aren’t getting from their Wendy’s frosties and 7/11 slurpees. Guess I thought wrong. You’re probably off drinking one of those poisonous Cokes right now. You know that stuff can clean the corrosion off a car battery, but you don’t care. You’re probably addicted to that fizz! You fizz junkie!! Ick, you disgust me! What is it with you fleshy types? You don’t know a good thing when it’s staring you in the face?

Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. That was the hurt talking. You don’t disgust me. Despite your abandonment, I still want to be with you. I still want to fortify you with Vitamins A, C, E, K, and the whole B spectrum, all necessary for optimal mental and physical health. I still want to load you up with calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, potassium, zinc, and all the other precious minerals and nutrients I offer. I still want to fight high blood pressure and heart disease while promoting brain, bone, and eye health. Please, baby, baby, please. I’m begging you. Take me back. I promise you won’t regret it.

Sincerely,

Heartbroken Smoothie

~Nadirah Angail

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