It’s been 7 days since we last hooked up, or is it 8? I stopped keeping track a while back. Too painful. I guess I should have listened to my smoothie friends. “Stay away from those humans,” they warned. “They’ll use and abuse you.” Had I only listened, I would not be sitting here now in such a sad state, thinking back on fond memories of last week. Did I do some wrong? Did my greens get slimy? Was my fruit too bitter? Maybe my reading was off, but you seemed to like me a lot. You even introduced me to your daughter. That was a big step… or so I thought.
I thought you were different. I thought you enjoyed my nutritious veggies and delectable fruits. I thought you loved the energy boosts, the glowing skin and the plethora of vitamins that your average American pals aren’t getting from their Wendy’s frosties and 7/11 slurpees. Guess I thought wrong. You’re probably off drinking one of those poisonous Cokes right now. You know that stuff can clean the corrosion off a car battery, but you don’t care. You’re probably addicted to that fizz! You fizz junkie!! Ick, you disgust me! What is it with you fleshy types? You don’t know a good thing when it’s staring you in the face?
Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. That was the hurt talking. You don’t disgust me. Despite your abandonment, I still want to be with you. I still want to fortify you with Vitamins A, C, the whole B spectrum, E and K, all necessary for optimal mental and physical health. I still want to load you up with calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, potassium, zinc, and all the other precious minerals I offer. I still want to fight high blood pressure and heart disease while promoting brain, bone and eye health. Please, baby, baby, please. I’m begging you. Take me back. I promise you won’t regret it.