I usually wouldn’t suggest this, but I know two just isn’t working. You need to do something, and you need to do it quick, because you guys can’t make it on our own. So, here’s my idea. Spice things up by introducing a new character: God. That’s right, you’ve got you a love triange now, one that I pray you never get out of.

It doesn’t matter how much you love your husband (or how much I love my husband). It doesn’t matter how crazy, sexy, cool you think he is. Your relationship will not survive without God as a key player. You can’t live without Him, and neither can he. So, why would you ever assume that you two could live together without Him? Who knows. People have done stranger things; but in marriages all over, couples arrogantly attempt to tackle the task of staying together on their own. The success rate is abysmal. The aftermath, devastating.

Marriage is supposed to be a covenant before God between two people, and we’re really good at making it look that way. We make it a point to get married in masjids, churches and temples. We recite holy scriptures, make prayers, and do all the other things befitting a wedding of our various religions. But after the gifts are open and the cake is eaten, we end the display and put Him back on the shelf, until the next time we feel the need to let our religious devotion be known.

It’s not enough to show God off at our weddings and to call on Him when times are rough (“Dear God, please stop me from killing this man.”) He should be a constant presence that gently wakes us in the morning and lulls us to bed at night. He should be the inspiration behind our kind words, the impetus behind our kind deeds. He should be the nuts, bolts, screws, wood, metal, plaster and glue that hold our marriages together.

Keeping God center is not only a necessity, it’s also a joy because you can rest assured that you don’t have to do this alone. When my husband does something that upsets me, I’m still able to be respectful, because I’m not doing it for him. It’s God’s favor that I’m seeking. When I talk my husband’s ear off and he still sits there and holds the conversation long past his preference point, I know he’s not doing it for me. It’s God’s favor he’s seeking. It’s a beautiful relief to know that I don’t have to be perfect or seek perfection in my marriage for it to work. I seek God for that.  It’s a wonderful feeling to know that I can be mad at him (for a short period of time) and not have it affect the dynamic of our relationship. I feel free to experience the natural ebb and flow of our love without worrying that, one day, it may not be enough. I’m not always happy, but I am always dedicated to something that is bigger than us both. And that is more than enough.

~Nadirah Angail

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