Anonymous writes: I am engaged to be married to a great man, but his children’s mother is crazy! I try to make the best of the situation but she makes it so hard. Sometimes I’ll text her to set up arrangements for when the children will come to our house, but she is always disrespectful. Shell text things like “Don’t worry about it, ho! He still wants me!” I show these to my fiancé and he says he’s talked to her about it but she wont stop. The other day, one of the kids asked me where my broom was. I know he knows where the broom is. I told him its in the kitchen where it always is, but he said “no, your riding broom. Mommy said your a witch.” I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Sometimes I think we should call the wedding off. We don’t have a date set yet.
What do you think?
Response: Hello reader,
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can imagine how stressful it is. I’m assuming you have no kids together since you made no mention of any. That matters a lot.
I know he told you he talked to their mother, but did he tell you exactly what he has said? As frustrating as this is now, it will be MUCH WORSE when you are actually married. It sounds like the ex is bitter, so you guys getting married will only increase her bitterness (read: she’s probably going to up her antics into high gear).
This is not how you want to start off your marriage and its not how you want to live your married life. Whatever he’s done, he needs to do more. Maybe have a sit-down with both of you where he makes it exceedingly clear that
1.) has no interest in her romantically
2.) he demands respect for you as his soon-to-be wife,
3.) he doesn’t want her saying disrespectful things to the children about you
Since she’s proven she’s too immature to have your number, she shouldn’t have it anymore. You need to get a new number and (until things are settled and she has calmed down) he should be making all the arrangements for the children’s visits, or maybe you guys should come up with a standing arrangement that everyone can agree to. That will lessen the need for contact. If necessary, you all can meet out at a neutral/public place to drop off and pick up the kids.
Two things are for sure: He needs to see his kids (regularly) and they need to be spared from all this adult drama. As a man, it’s his job to make sure that happens.
A lot of times, bitter exs are still hurt because of whatever happened in the relationship. Maybe he needs offer a sincere apology (if he did something wrong) or at least let her know that he appreciates her giving him some beautiful children and that he will always respect her for that. However, he also should add on the he needs respect back, for him, for you, and for his choices.
As for you, I think you should kill her with kindness. I know, that’s hard to do when someone is acting as crazy as she is, but I bet it will throw a huge monkey wrench in her plans. She wants to get under your skin, wants to make you upset. If you respond in kind, she’s getting what she wants. Instead, ignore the foolishness (as hard as that is) and say nothing but kind words. If you can’t do that, say nothing at all. And you really want to be nice if you are ever together in person, especially in front of the kids and your fiance. You want everyone to see it isn’t you who is starting this mess.
Since you don’t have a date set, you’ve got time. If he is really a good man, I wouldn’t call off the wedding just yet, but I would put some big time pressure on him protect you more from her misplaced anger.
Hope this helps,